


land,sea, and sky.

by pporksodaa



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Italy cameo, M/M, Sweden cameo, au in which Ludwig is an extremely advanced AI built by Timo after the real hooman Ludwig died, except its more like 'would a robot realize its a robot if no one told it', gerameweek2018, im so proud of this tbh, its basically the 'can robots feel' question, like 'can a robot develop anxiety and depression if it doesnt know its not supposed to'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 19:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15847581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pporksodaa/pseuds/pporksodaa
Summary: What a trip it was, to try to fall in love again. To fall in love with someone who walked like, talked like, and looked so much like your One True Love. Nothing was the same, just as nearly as everything was exactly the same.But that doesn’t mean something can’t come from this pile of rubble. Alfred owes it to more than himself to try.gerame week, day IV & day V ( land, sea, & sky and til' death do we part)





	land,sea, and sky.

**Author's Note:**

> it's-a me! Mario. just kidding, it's me, Eugene. :)))))))))) haha yes, i know ur disappointed but it's okay. bc i have brought u this fic, for gerameweek2018!! 
> 
> I included this in the Til' Death Do We Part prompt bc the whole premise is that human Ludwig had died previously, and this is basically his dead consciousness...brought back to life...i guess. i apologize ahead of time for my ~deep~ writing, i'm tryin to get better at writin about weird, abstract concepts. i also watched ex machina 45 billion times and was shook. anyway. im gonna stop rambling. i luv u all.
> 
> also, the song lyrics i used are Full Moon by The Black Ghosts. v good song. not necessarily plot linear but still fuckin good.

_ Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me _

 

Eyes gazed, waiting and craving. Attention. Observation. Surveillance. 

 

_ As you watch me wander, curse the powers that be _

 

Odd, uncomfortable, foreign. A dull thrumming through a system unknown, quick but steady. The internal was warm and...and...and something. But the outside was still so cold, so stiff, and so unfeeling. 

 

_ ‘Cause all I want is here and now but it’s already been and gone _

 

Feeling. Sensation.  What was that again? Feeling? What felt?  _ Who  _ felt? Feeling was for those...for those who  _ were _ . A privilege to be. It was a privilege to  _ be _ . To be was to feel, and to feel was to be. 

 

_ Our intentions always last a bit too long _

 

 _Thump-thump._ _Thump-thump._ What was that? That was steady. At least, it had been when it came to attention. Now it skipped and sped up. One, two, three, four beats. A moment of pause. One, two. Pause. One, two, three, four. 

 

The system wasn’t thrumming anymore, no. It was firing, coursing with energy and warmth like pistons. 

 

_ Far far away, no voices sounding _

_ No one around me and you're still there _

_ Far far away, no choices passing _

_ No time confounds me and you're still there _

 

He felt it. He felt. 

 

He  _ was _ . 

 

The event horizon to begin and end them all. The bridge met in the middle and the crossway was completed, every journey to ever be made all at once. Convergence, divergence, and synthesis. Light and dark. Cold and hot. Up and down. Every extreme and middle man forced through him; absolutely every point on the infinite plane of the coordinate graph met within him. 

 

Sharp inhale, painful breaths filling his lungs and inflating his chest. His eyes flew open, and he heaved his being in an upward movement that wrenched the peace that had previously laid him still. Couldn’t see anything; it was all white and vicious and  _ stinging _ . Oh, it stung. 

 

His weight teetered and tottered as he tried to make sense of direction. 

 

A sound, nearby. 

 

“Oh, shit! Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! Hey, hey, hey! C’mon, big guy!” 

 

He felt hands gripping him, pulling him down to sit heavily. It was all he could do to comply. His surroundings clashed at every odd and end, but it only took him a few moments longer before things began to shift and sharpen. His sight cleared, and his hearing calmed. 

 

That song, that sound. It was still going, but it was quieter now. His eyes shifted through the room in back and forth motions. 

 

It was white, mostly. The table he sat on was a hard, unyielding metal. But the walls, the floors, the man and the clothes he wore were white. There were devices on a desk, as well as several metal tools on a cart. There were toys in the corner and a trash bin spilling over nearby. 

 

He tipped his head at the man, looking at him up and down. After only a few moments, a display appeared in his vision, locking onto the man’s face with pinpoints. It glowed red while the scan brushed him over then pinged green. 

 

When he spoke, his voice didn’t feel like his own. “Timo Korhonen,” he said slowly. 

 

The man, Timo, smiled at him. Timo was small, only 5 and a half feet from what he saw in his vision. Small but strong and stocky. His hair was soft and feathery and grey and his cheeks were round, and his eyes read of youth, a deep brown that made him feel warm. Despite the softness of Timo’s face and those youthful eyes, he had crows feet and wrinkles in his forehead. Age. 44 years of it. 

 

Timo was still gripping his arm and when he looked down, he was astounded at how large his hands were. The veins in them were quite distinct, drawing a map along the back of his hands until they faded. Hm.

 

In turn, he looked at his own and blinked a few times. They weren’t as large, and his veins didn’t show. They were smooth and his nails were filed to neat ovals. “Timo,” he said again, tilting his head. “What...what is this?” 

Timo grabbed his hands and smiled all the wider. “Ludwig,” he said back to him. “This is Ludwig.  _ You  _ are Ludwig.”

“Ludwig…” He repeated it to himself then rubbed his hands together then touched his face. “I am Ludwig.”

“Come look, look.”

 

He--no,  _ Ludwig _ . Ludwig stood and nearly fell right over again, grabbing onto Timo to steady himself. With some help, he finally made it to the full mirror and stared at himself. 

 

He was tall, taller than Timo by a good few foot and a half, maybe more. He was well-built but pale, just like Timo. When he moved in certain ways, muscles rippled beneath his skin. Fine blonde hairs gathered at the base of his crotch and over his legs and arms. When he lifted his arms, there was more. Of course, there was plenty on his head, which he ran his fingers through now. It was soft and moved smoothly through his fingers. 

 

Sensation…

 

Ludwig stepped in closer to the mirror with Timo’s aid, tilting his head as he stared at his own face for what felt like the first time. His eyes were an electric blue, vivid and almost white near the irises. Specks of yellow. No, not yellow.  _ Gold _ , as it appeared in his vision. Gold specks near his pupil. His nose was large and broad, a bit hooked near the bridge. His lips were fleshy pink and formed around his words when he spoke. 

 

“What is this?” He asked, pointing to his eye. He pointed too hard and accidentally jabbed it. 

 

His eye simply rolled to the back of his head and stayed there. 

 

Timo reacted, but Ludwig didn’t feel much. 

 

“Oh! Shit,” Timo griped, pushing Ludwig down into a nearby seat and tilting his head back. “Don’t move.” 

Ludwig did as told and simply sat there while Timo messed with his eye. Soon it went back into place and he could see from both eyes again. He blinked a few times then looked up at Timo, asking again, “What is it?”

“Well,” Timo began, leaning against the table now. “You are a very special boy, Ludwig. Well, I guess you’re a man! You’re a special  _ person _ , Ludwig. Whenever you look at someone, you can see a lot about them. How they feel emotionally, and their general health. If you have a thought, it will appear to you unless you don’t want it to. In which case, you just tell yourself you don’t want to see it and it won’t show you anymore. You are in control of what you see, really. And when you meet new people, you will automatically save a record of their face and name so that you can remember them. Like me.”

Ludwig felt himself raise his eyebrows. “I have seen you before?” he asked.

Timo smiled at him. “You have. You may not remember, but you have. I...well, I’m your father.”

 

Father? Before Ludwig could ask what that meant, it appeared before him in glowing blue letters.  _ Define ‘father’; (n.)  _ _ a man in relation to his natural child or children. _ Child or children. 

 

Images, videos, all types of media files flickered through his vision. Fathers and children. Bedtime and stories. Soccer and football. Jumping in mounds of leaves in...what was that? In Autumn. Memories came after that, of Timo appearing before him, younger, doing all the same things with him. 

 

Before long, the corners of Ludwig’s mouth stretched up and into a smile. “Father,” he repeated, warmth pulsing through his chest. 

Timo leaned over to him and kissed his forehead. “Yes,” he murmured. “Now, Ludwig. There is someone you should meet, okay? First, we’ll get ya dressed. But-- actually, sit tight for a sec.”

 

Ludwig nodded and complied, staring across the room that was behind the table. There was a bed there, a small one, with blankets filled with imagery. Small dinosaurs riding in UFOs. Hm. Something in his hearing clicked then his left leg shot forward rimrod straight, his right following. He watched, curious and slightly alarmed. 

 

“Father, I-”

“It’s okay, Ludwig,” Timo said quickly. “Just wait a sec.”

 

Ludwig nodded and just sat while his legs moved on their own until finally, they went back to their original position. 

 

“There! Now stand up,” Timo said, turning away from the computer to Ludwig. 

 

Ludwig did as told and this time, he stayed steady. Oh. He bent down, running his hands over his legs and feeling the hairs there against his fingers. Hm. Curious-er and curious-er. He stood upright and slowly paced over to Timo and followed him around to the bed area. Here the floor was a lush carpet beneath his feet, instead of the cold tile. Cozy. 

 

Timo opened a closet and hummed thoughtfully, looking over the assortment of clothes inside. After a few minutes, he pulled out a simple yellow t-shirt, a pair of jeans, a pair of underwear, and a pair of black sneakers. 

 

“I’ll let you pick your socks,” he said, pulling open a drawer in a small dresser that was also inside the closet. “Come look. You love your socks, I swear. It’s the end of the world if ya can’t pick your own socks.” 

Ludwig watched him and nodded. The end of the world. “They are  _ my  _ socks,” he grumbled after a moment. “If nothing else,  _ I  _ should be able to pick them, should I not?”

 

Timo just smiled and nodded for him to go ahead. 

 

Ludwig peeked into the closet then into the drawer, rummaging around for a moment before pulling out a pair. Dark green with spots of orange and red. Foxes. Timo helped him get dressed and brushed his hair back neatly for him. 

 

“Now, the person you’re gonna meet is gonna show you around some,” Timo said. “And you’re gonna live with him.” 

“Live with him? Why can I not stay here with you?”

“You’ve been here a long time! Besides...you and Alfred..are good friends.”

“Good friends?”

“You’ve known each other for a long time!  Friends are...people you care about, but they aren’t family. Not by blood. They  _ can  _ be family. But Alfred is a special friend of yours.”

“Special? Is he like me?”

“Well, not exactly. There’s no one like you, Ludwig. But...well, you’ll see. Don’t worry, Lud. I’ll always be around if ya need me. That’s what a father is for.”

 

Ludwig nodded and stood once he was fully dressed. Now, he supposed, he was ready to meet his good and special friend, Alfred. 

 

* * *

 

Alfred’s leg bounced rapidly, fast enough to jack a hole through the floor if he’d been strong enough. His palms were sweating so badly they were nearly slick when he rubbed them together. Through a sigh of exasperation, he wiped them on his jeans and glanced at his watch.

 

Soon. 

 

Fuck, he hadn’t ever thought the day would be here. Hadn’t ever thought this moment would confront him in reality. A reality that would walk out to meet him in the next three minutes. Fuck. It had only been an idea, a dream, a doodle and a scribble on a piece of paper. Now it was  _ happening _ ! 

 

He sat in the lobby of the lab, alone, waiting. Three minutes. In three minutes, things would change and he honestly couldn’t say in which direction he assumed they would go. 

 

_ He won’t have any of his memories of you, but you can try to...reinstate them, so to speak, I guess. Take him to places that would be familiar. Casually mention things about him, ya know? But he won’t remember you. Don’t treat him like he remembers you. _

 

Timo’s words echoed in his head, as a loud and blaring warning. It didn’t stop him from wondering though. It hadn’t then and it didn't now. What if Ludwig  _ did  _ remember? 

 

Would that be good? Would it be a relief? Or would it ruin everything? Remembering Alfred certainly meant remembering the rest of his life, and maybe that...maybe that included his death. 

 

To relive one’s death was something Alfred wouldn’t wish on anyone. Especially not Ludwig. Even if his dear Ludwig was uploaded into an AI completely unparalleled. Even if his lovely Ludwig was a walking, talking, breathing, living science project. Even if his sweet Ludwig didn’t remember him at all. 

 

Someone cleared their throat nearby, clearly to get his attention. 

 

_ Fuck _ . Three minutes had seemed like an eternity but now it felt too quick. It felt too fast. He needed a little more time. Even now, even after all that waiting, after all that hurting… Alfred just needed a second more. 

 

He stood first, then when shoes appeared in his line of vision, he finally looked up. Staring Ludwig in the eyes was like someone had slapped him across the face. It felt abrupt. It felt unceremonious. It felt...wrong, in several ways. But oh, so right. 

 

He didn’t say anything, just staring. Timo had even gotten the little flecks right, near the pupil. The ‘pupil’. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t organic. This Ludwig wasn’t human, but damn if it didn’t seem like it. 

 

Alfred forced a smile, one that didn’t show any teeth and barely reached his eyes. “I’m...Alfred,” he said. 

Ludwig returned the smile politely and held out his hand. “I know. Hello, Alfred. I am Ludwig,” he said. “You are my good and special friend. That is what Father told me.”

 

Fuck, the hand felt the same. Almost. Colder than Alfred remembered and much,  _ much _ too smooth. Maybe all this damn time had been Timo sanding down whatever Ludwig’s skin was made of. To Hell with a carbon footprint, this guy didn’t even have a normal, physical fingerprint! 

 

No need, when your entire existence was already uploaded to The Cloud. 

 

“Oh, yeah?” Alfred chuckled stiffly, glancing over at Timo. “Well, he was right. I’ve known ya for a good, long while. Ya look great. I like your socks.” 

Ludwig looked down at them then back at Alfred. “Thank you. I picked them myself. It would be the end of the world if I did not pick them,” he said.

 

Alfred chuckled again faintly. It was overwhelming. He was overwhelmed. It  _ sounded _ like Ludwig. Deep, but gentle and calm, with a slightly raspy touch. It was enough to make his hands tremble, breath catching. The speech pattern wasn’t as spot on, but that would come with time. God. He should have waited. Just one more day. All he’d needed was one more day. 

 

Timo came over after a moment and patted Ludwig’s shoulder. “You have fun with Alfred, okay? He’ll show ya around,” he told him. “If ya need me, you can call me on your cell phone, okay? Remember how I showed you?” 

Ludwig nodded. “Yes, Father. Are you not coming?”

“No, not right now. I have work to do, but I will be coming to see you often. How does that sound?”

“Good.”

“Perfect. Goodbye, Ludwig. Alfred.”

 

Alfred nodded at Timo then looked back at Ludwig. They stood together in silence long after Timo had left. It occurred to him that Ludwig probably wasn’t going to speak unprompted at the moment, so he finally gave a shrug. 

 

“Well, I guess we should get goin’, huh?” He said, turning slightly to go toward the exit but keeping most of his body pointed toward Ludwig. “You have any idea of where ya wanna go?” 

Ludwig shook his head.

“Cool. Well, we’ll head home first and get ya settled, then we can work somethin’ out.”

“Okay.”

 

Ludwig followed Alfred outside and was immediately taken aback by everything. It hit him all at once, nearly enough to make him topple over. He stumbled and teetered, grabbing onto Alfred to remain upright. Alfred grabbed onto his arm, muttering, “Whoa, whoa, take it easy.” 

 

He blinked a few times to adjust his vision and looked around. “Oh,” he breathed quietly, head craning back to stare up at the sky. 

 

Clouds, big, illustrious “ _ cumulus”  _ clouds filled the vast blue sky. The light out here wasn’t so harsh, and it was significantly more pleasant. It warmed his skin on contact. He touched his face again, feeling it warmer beneath his fingers. 

 

A breeze came, soft and kind, smelling like...like  _ Earth _ . It tickled his hair and ruffled his t-shirt just a bit. Oh, it was so nice. 

 

Ludwig looked around some more, eyes traveling over rolling green hills, filled with crops and animals of all kinds. In the distance, he heard what were animal calls. A moo, it was the sound a cow made. Those over there. The ones with the black and white color pattern, like paint on a canvas. Those were cows. 

 

He tilted his head and crouched down near the left side of the entryway path. Bright, colorful plants had been lined up along it. 

 

_ Dianthus caryophyllus. Carnation.  _

 

Carnations. They lined the walkway up and down, in white, in pink, and in shades of red. They were absolute amazing. He touched one gingerly, fingering the petals and taking in how supple they felt. If he touched it too hard, or pulled a little roughly, it would break away. Flowers were living things. The last thing he should do was damage or bruise it. 

 

With that notion in mind, Ludwig stood and turned back to Alfred. 

 

Alfred was staring at him, frowning. 

 

“Are you alright?” Ludwig asked, tilting his head.

Alfred blinked a few times then shook his head. “Uh, yeah! I’m just...I’m a little tired. You always liked flowers. Especially those.”

“...They are very pretty,” Ludwig said. “Do you like them?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Perhaps we can ask Father if he will give us some?”

“Maybe later. C’mon, let’s go. I’m hungry.”

 

Ludwig nodded and followed after him quietly, looking around all the while. When they made it to the parking lot, he noticed that it was pretty empty, except for a few cars. Alfred took him to a nearby truck, old and rusty orange. The bed of it was filled with wooden crates and some trash. He didn’t linger too long, recalling that Alfred said he was hungry. 

 

He’d also said he was tired, yet Ludwig hadn’t seen that. It did say that Alfred was under a lot of stress and that there was some pain in his lower back, but nothing about being tired. Sleeping was good for stress, though, so perhaps Alfred really did need to sleep. 

 

Ludwig got into the truck and rolled down his window, staring out as they drove away. He watched the building fade from view and become replaced with more and more of those pretty earthen waves. 

 

* * *

 

_ Three Months Later. _

 

Ludwig sat at the table in the dining room, staring across at Alfred quietly. 

 

Alfred was so different. Different than most people Ludwig saw around here. When they went into town to buy groceries, or to see Timo at the little pizzeria Ludwig liked so much, or to see the cows on the farm Berwald (another good friend!) owned, he never saw many people like Alfred. 

 

Alfred’s skin was dark brown, like chocolate or umber or perhaps even the straight black coffee Ludwig drank. Alfred’s hair was closer to black, sitting in tightly wound coils. And his eyes were round and also brown, a deep, rich brown. Ludwig enjoyed staring at him. 

 

He tried not to, because Alfred said it was weird. Ludwig could hardly help it, though, especially now. 

 

Alfred’s movements were lethargic and calm, a sharp contrast to how quick he seemed to be paced the rest of time. Perhaps that was because it was Sunday morning, and there was no work to be done, no chores to do, no one to go rush and see. The floors had been swept and mopped. Everything had been dusted down. Grocery shopping had been done yesterday morning. All the clothes hung up on the line in the backyard, drying in the steadily rising sun. Already, it spilled in through the open windows, filling the room with creamy white. 

 

It made Alfred glow from Ludwig’s perspective. The backlight drew up a halo around his head. Hm. 

 

Ludwig felt himself smile then looked down at his food, just as Alfred looked up. 

 

He liked to stare at Alfred but most days...that was about it. 

 

Alfred didn’t speak to him very often, nothing beyond what was standard. ‘How are you?’ ‘Did you sleep well?’ ‘We should do the laundry.’ ‘We get to see Timo today.’ ‘Berwald says we can go see the cows.’ 

 

Only sometimes, usually on Sunday evenings, would Alfred speak to him about things beyond questions that always yielded the same answers. 

 

Ludwig held Sundays in anticipation, and this one was no exception. What would they talk about today? Last week, it was about the love of nature and Alfred had promised they would go on a picnic this week. But they didn’t. Alfred had to work a lot, so Ludwig didn’t bother him too much about it. 

 

Breakfast passed in mostly silence. Ludwig had cooked again, as he often did. Alfred had told him, when they got home that first day, that he enjoyed cooking. And sure enough, there were thick books full of recipes along the counter. Most of the handwriting inside was his, Alfred had told him. 

 

Hm. With all the spare time Ludwig had since he didn’t have a job or any friends that lived close, he cooked. Things usually went pretty well without too much effort on his part which was nice. 

 

It also meant he went looking for more challenging things. Alfred walking in on him nearly burning the kitchen down trying a flambe had been a little embarrassing but ultimately a let-down. Out of respect for Alfred and concern for the safety of this pretty little house (and also Alfred), he decided not to try that one again. 

 

Perhaps someday. Maybe Berwald would let him. 

 

Later, after Ludwig had done dishes and gone out to fold up the laundry, Alfred stepped out and into the grass. 

 

“Ludwig…” He said. 

Ludwig crouched to fold the fresh sheets into the basket then looked over. “Yes?” He said, almost eager.

“Timo’s on his way to come get ya,” Alfred told him. “You guys are gonna hang out for a while. Sound good?”

“How long is a while?”

“I dunno, a few hours.”

“Alright. What will you be doing?”

“Stuff. Maybe I’ll catch upon some work.”

“Alright. Well, I suppose I’ll finish up here then.”

 

Alfred nodded and went back inside. 

 

Ludwig watched him go then continued the work with the laundry. It was unfamiliar, the heavy feeling that filled his chest and spread to his stomach.  _ Define ‘dread’; (n.) great fear or apprehension.  _

 

What exactly was he dreading? Spending the day with his Father was always a nice time. Perhaps it was the possibility that ‘just a few hours’ meant ‘I’m sending you off so you won’t bother me’. Or it meant ‘You’ll be gone so we won’t be able to talk’. 

 

Hm. 

 

Ludwig chewed on his lip for a moment, holding the basket on his hip and staring out at the fields beyond. Dread. He felt dread. 

 

He felt dread when he brought the laundry inside and put it away. He felt dread when Timo arrived and they said goodbye to Alfred. He felt dread when Timo took him to the bookstore in town, telling him to buy whatever he wanted. 

 

Ludwig loved to read. He loved everything that was happening around him, but it was something entirely different to read the landscapes and universes made entirely of another person’s mind. Things that were impossible became possible. The false became true. The nonexistent became existent. 

 

But Ludwig remained dreadful, as time ticked by. Every moment he checked his watch felt like the end of the world. Forget the socks. 

 

Ludwig was dreadful, until his cell phone rang. He rarely used it except for Berwald, Timo, Alfred, and the nice lady at the market who texted him when she had a new shipment of fruits he liked. He looked down at it and suddenly, all of his dread was dispersed.

 

It was Alfred, calling him. 

 

Ludwig excused himself and stepped out of the craft shop they had come to. “Hello?” 

“Yo!” Alfred chirped. “Tell Timo it’s time to bring ya back. I got somethin’ for ya. Somethin’ special. Tell him to hurry.”

“Oh! Well, alright,” Ludwig said. “I will see you soon. Goodbye.”

He hung up then went back inside to find Timo, soon coming upon his little grey head in the acrylic paint aisle. “Father, Alfred says we must be back at the house at once,” he told him. “He says he has something special for me.”

Timo grinned. “Oh, yeah? It’s about time!” He said with a wave of his hand. “C’mon, let’s go. You want anything else before we leave?”

 

Ludwig shook his head quickly. With that, they headed home. The entire drive, he prodded Timo to see if he knew something and absently murmured conjecture to himself. What could it be? Something special… 

 

_ Define ‘special’; (adj.) exceptionally good or precious.  _

 

Good or precious. Alfred was his special friend, with a special something for him. How good and how precious of him. 

 

As soon as the house came into view, Ludwig perked up and bristled excitedly as he saw Alfred stand in the front yard. 

 

“Hey, hey!” Alfred called with a wave as they pulled in. “It’s about time; I thought you guys weren’t gonna make it.” 

 

Ludwig climbed out of Timo’s car and looked around, looking for something special, something that stood out among the things he had become familiar with. 

 

Alfred smiled as he watched him and called him over to the truck. In the bed lay supplies. Picnic supplies. A large cream-colored quilt, a lovely wicker basket filled to the brim with food and drink, napkins, utensils, a camera. 

 

Ludwig blinked, looking over to Alfred with his eyebrows raised. 

 

“We’re goin’ picnicking!” Alfred said with a chuckle. “Finally! It’s been a week since we made the plan, by God. I figured...well, I haven’t been...haven’t been very nice to ya since ya moved in. I feel bad. And I promised ya we’d go this week. Friends don’t break promises.” 

 

Ludwig watched him then tilted his head and soon felt a warmth in his face.  _ Define ‘flush’; (v.) (especially of a person’s skin or face) to become red and hot, typically as the result of illness or strong emotion.  _ He certainly felt strong emotion. Part of it was shame and embarrassment, at having thought of Alfred so brashly as rude and detached. Part of it was something else, something he had read in a few of the books he enjoyed. But he didn’t dare entertain the thought and only smiled. 

 

“Alfred, that’s very sweet of you,” he said. “Thank you so much. I wish you had let me help you prepare it, though.” 

“Ah, next time. We can go out again next weekend, yeah?” Alfred said, patting Ludwig’s back.

 

Ludwig nodded. He would very much like that. If it could even become routine, a picnic meal with Alfred. He didn’t want for much else. Maybe it was because he didn’t exactly  _ know _ of much else. It was hard to know of what he was missing when he did not in fact, know such a thing. 

 

But Ludwig was content to say he wanted it more than anything because Alfred was his good and special friend. 

 

“Are you coming with us, Father?” He asked, turning to look at Timo.

Timo shook his head.  “Not today,” he said. “I’m gonna let you two go it alone this time. Have fun!” He waved and got into his car, driving away.

Ludwig watched him go then looked back over to Alfred. “Well, let us go, yes?”

Alfred nodded. “I just got one more thing, though. Hold on,” he said, stepping over to the driver’s side door. He pulled it open and grabbed a rather large and long bouquet of flowers. “Uh, I got these for ya. Since I’ve been so...weird. They’re your favorites. One of ‘em, anyway. Like I said; you really like flowers.”

 

Ludwig’s face only burned all the more, and he took them gingerly. The bouquet was big enough that he had to cradle it with both arms. In fact, it was a bit  _ heavy _ . In his chest, he felt that same sensation, as he had those months ago when he first awoke. When he first remembered waking up at least. 

 

_ Thump-thump. Thump-thump _ . A piston-quick rhythm, intense like a herd of buffalo. He fingered a nearby petal for a few moments, unable to look Alfred in the face. To be was to feel, and if Ludwig had ever had any doubts up to this point that he was anything existing...well, he couldn’t doubt it now, could he? 

 

He felt  _ something _ , even if he couldn’t quite understand what it was. Nothing appeared in the hub section of his vision. Not until he finally brought his eyes back to Alfred. Facial recognition locked onto Alfred’s face and suddenly a new word flashed before him.  _ Lover _ . 

 

Ludwig blinked in surprise and the word was gone. In its place was instead  _ ERROR. FACIAL RECOGNITION MALFUNCTION. ALL FUNCTIONS PAUSED FOR UPDATES.  _

 

He blinked a few more times then shook his head as if to clear it and just smiled. “Thank you,” he said softly. “They’re amazing, Alfred.” 

 

Alfred smiled as well, and they climbed into the truck then drove off. 

 

Alfred took him far away, even past Berwald’s farm and into those distant hills Ludwig so loved. It wasn’t long before they had wound around the nearby mountain a few times. 

 

Ludwig was left awe-struck, staring out the window at everything that spread beyond in a sea of misty blue-greens, spots of color here and there from blossoms down below. Everything felt  as light as air when he finally stepped out. 

 

The shirt he wore today was yellow again, and he felt like a flower walking along the path with Alfred. The path was well worn, playing through dense tree-rich forest. The flora and fauna all around him was almost enough to distract him from the situation in his stomach. Almost. 

 

It was butterflies. Butterflies were in his stomach, fluttering and flying, causing quite the ruckus in there. Every breath felt like he was one step closer to just lifting up off the ground entirely. He may have, if these flowers in his arms hadn’t been there to tether him down. 

 

They made their place where tall grass sprouted and licked and caressed his legs when he walked through it. It swayed in the cool, homey breeze like the waves of the ocean that lay miles from here. Timo had taken him there a few times. He really liked it. It was calm, usually, even when the sky was dark and grey. But they always left before it got too bad so who knew. Maybe he had only seen the oasis calm before the tempest fury. 

 

Alfred unpacked their lunch and poured them glasses of wine. “They didn’t have the kind ya like when I went to get it, but there’s nothin’ wrong with tryin’ somethin’ new, yeah? This one is...lemme see. Strawberry! Hm, never heard of strawberry wine but tell me what ya think.” 

Ludwig nodded, swirling the wine around in his glass then taking a sip. “Hm,” he said simply. “It’s...bitter. I suppose the strawberry is meant to be subtle. As in, nonexistent.”

Alfred chuckled, taking a sip as well. “Well, I got it from the corner store. Ya get what ya pay for.”

 

Ludwig shrugged and took another sip. It wasn’t bad, and Alfred had spent money on it, so he may as well drink it. Besides...he liked wine. 

 

After they had finished most of their lunch, they both laid back on the quilt and stared up at the sky. Here, in this little clearing, the view was pretty unobstructed. It wasn’t entirely clear and blue but it wasn’t drab and gloomy. A pretty blue-grey that Ludwig could only attribute to art pieces he had seen online. 

 

He did have one new friend in this world so far. His name was Feliciano. He had met Feliciano at the market one day and they spent the day together, partially trying to find Timo and partially talking about what fruits and vegetables were best for cooking with. 

 

Feliciano lived far away, unfortunately, and had gone back home some time ago. They still talked a lot. Feliciano liked to send him pictures of art pieces from the museums and galleries he visited, curated, and was featured in. Just things he thought Ludwig would like. For the most part, Ludwig did like them. He didn’t necessarily always know what they meant, but they looked pretty. 

 

Alfred spoke up before long, quietly. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

Ludwig turned his head to look at him. “What for?”

“Me. I...I haven’t been much of a friend to ya. I think this is long overdue.”

“Oh. Well, if it’s of any worth to you, I do not mind waiting if it means we can do this together. I like being your friend, if it means you take me along to places like this when you can.”

 

Alfred looked over to him as well and frowned. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Ludwig asked, sitting up on an elbow. “Did I say something--” 

Alfred grabbed his arm, shaking his head. “No, no,” he told him. “It’s...you sound like him.”

Ludwig glanced at Alfred’s hand then back at Alfred’s face. He was still frowning. After a moment, he laid back down and asked, “...Him?”

“Yeah, him. It... did Timo tell you? Who you are?”

“I’m Ludwig.”

“No, I know that. Did he tell you... _ what _ you are?”

“No. He told me I was a special person, is all.”

 

Alfred nodded slowly then chewed on his lip, eyes turning up to the sky again. If Timo hadn’t told him, it was best that Alfred didn’t tell him either. Did Ludwig need to know? A Turing Test didn’t exactly work if the computer knew it was a computer, right? 

 

But Ludwig wasn’t a computer. Their life together wasn’t supposed to be a Turing Test. It was supposed to be a life, and that was that. 

 

Having a life together meant that no matter ‘what’ Ludwig was, Alfred would still treat him like normal. If there ever was such a thing. 

 

“What am I?” Ludwig asked, and Alfred felt a pang of sadness in his chest at the strange tone. 

He shook his head and turned fully onto his side to look at him. “You’re Ludwig,” he murmured.

Ludwig watched him and seemed confused but after a moment, he nodded in agreement and looked up at the sky. “I’m Ludwig,” he repeated in a whisper.

 

For a long time then, they stayed like that, just laying in comfortable silence among the land. Only the whispers of wind through the tall blades of green around them. Only the calls of the earth’s creatures. 

 

They were Earth’s creatures, as far as Ludwig was concerned. Though right now, he felt miles and miles away from here, up above and in that sky. Looking down upon himself and Alfred, laying on that quilt together. Their mostly eaten meal, glasses of wine, and large bouquet of flowers between them. 

 

If this is what Ludwig had in store for him when Alfred wanted to take him out, then he would wait for as long as needed. If Ludwig could feel like this, even for a little while, then it didn’t matter how many days he spent making new hobbies instead of spending his time talking the time away. 

 

It was good for him, to build some of his own identity. Most of what he could remember about himself had only been told to him by other people. Not once yet had he said ‘I like that’ or ‘I do this’ or anything of the sort. It had only been ‘Oh, Ludwig, you like doing this’ and ‘You always were that’. 

 

Ludwig sat up eventually, rubbing the back of his head. He looked over in time to see a rather curious sight. A little red thing, jumping up and down through the sea of grass. Hm? He tilted his head and watched for signs of movement. Sure enough, there was some. Right next to him. 

 

A small little red head poked through and stared up at him. 

 

It took all Ludwig had not to gasp. Instead, he stayed quiet and still, simply staring at it. A fox. A little red fox, peeking from the brush at him. 

 

If only Ludwig had worn his fox socks today. 

 

Ludwig watched as the fox slowly inched forward and began to sniff around. He continued to stay still, biting his lip when the fox’s nose dabbed against his hand then along his arm. Oh,  _ God _ . How cute. 

 

Beside him, Alfred now saw the fox and gave a quiet ‘oh shit’. Yes, indeed, ‘oh shit’!

 

Ludwig slowly shifted, moving gingerly to grab a few blueberries from their leftovers. He held them in his palm and offered it to the fox.

 

The fox stared at his hand and after several moments, it snuffled around and scarfed them down. As it did, Alfred fumbled around for his camera and managed to snap a few pictures before it was running (hopping) off again. 

 

“Wow,” Alfred chuckled, grinning at Ludwig. “They never usually come out at this time of day, let alone study people like that! You must be pretty special.” 

 

Ludwig smiled dreamily and nodded. He must be. He felt like it. 

 

Going to bed that night was hard, because Ludwig felt higher than he ever had before. Strolling among the clouds, hanging out with the angels above, napping among the stars. Alfred’s sound of living next to his room kept him grounded. The quiet murmur from the words of a book out loud. Alfred couldn’t focus if he wasn’t being read to or reading aloud. The rustling of sheets. The occasional phone ping. 

 

It had all become routine. 

 

When Ludwig did go to sleep, he found himself wondering just what other kinds of routines he and Alfred would come to form. 

 

* * *

 

_ Five Months Later. _

 

The weather forecast for the week told of only rain. Monday, rain. Tuesday, rain. Wednesday, severe thunderstorms. And rain. 

 

Ludwig didn’t mind the rain. The first time it had come, he sat on the porch and just watched it for hours. The third time, Alfred had stepped out onto the porch with him and told him they should go play in it. 

 

Jumping in puddles and sloshing through mud felt better than Ludwig had imagined, better than he had read. Cleaning up after and having a cup of hot chocolate was the best, though. 

 

The rain outside was how Ludwig was feeling inside. Without all the good tidings attributed to rain. Ludwig didn’t feel any growth, or any hydration, or any cooling effort. 

 

Well. He did feel cold. 

 

When he woke up the mornings, he felt stiff in places he never thought about. Nothing ever hurt, but being numb certainly didn’t seem normal. Didn’t seem right, that Ludwig knew that Alfred was having indigestion without asking, that he never remembered anything about himself before waking up that day, that everyone was so...strange to him. 

 

He was “special”, that’s what Timo had said. Yet Ludwig didn’t feel  _ good  _ or  _ precious.  _ He felt bad. He felt sad. He felt...he felt distant. 

 

_ There’s no one like you, Ludwig.  _

 

He felt alone. 

 

One step forward was two steps back, so to speak. He and Alfred went out every weekend, and hey would talk over dinner. Alfred shared music with Ludwig, who spent many hours exhausting through the record collection, and then the movies once Alfred had broken those out for him. Ludwig  _ knew  _ Alfred now. He knew things about him and could apply that knowledge. 

 

But Feliciano wasn’t speaking to him anymore. Ludwig knew that people often grew busy but for four months? The last overlap of complete euphoria he remembered was that month after the  first picnic with Alfred. 

 

Feliciano had been overjoyed to hear it. 

 

He didn’t say much anymore. Even when they did talk, it was that painful small talk Ludwig had grown to be anxious of. It made his skin crawl. To speak to a friend as if they were a stranger was almost sickening. 

 

Why didn’t Feliciano speak to him anymore? 

 

Timo hadn’t been around in a while, either. Busy, busy, busy. How could it be that everyone Ludwig knew was always so busy, busy, busy yet he himself never seemed to have much to do? He woke up in the morning, did some chores, then tried to find himself among the space he had. 

 

Maybe that was why. 

 

Timo knew who he was, and thus had a role to fulfill. Alfred knew who he was, and thus had his role. Feliciano, too. 

 

Not Ludwig. Ludwig didn’t know who he was, or  _ what _ he was. Hell, if you had asked him the year, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you without the help of...whatever it was in his head that made him able to figure out exactly what type of flower crossed his vision. 

 

No one else that Ludwig knew of could do that. Maybe people with years and years of schooling practice could. Ludwig had only been ‘awake’ for almost a year. If he wanted to know something, he didn’t have to go anywhere, study anything, or ask anyone. It just appeared before him. 

 

Timo said he could turn it off whenever he wanted but what would happen if he did? What guidance would he have? 

 

Alfred couldn’t always be there. Timo couldn’t always be there. Berwald couldn’t always be there. Feliciano couldn’t always be there. Ludwig wouldn’t have someone holding his hand through this journey at every moment. 

 

Ludwig was broken from his thoughts by Alfred’s voice nearby. He was sitting in his bedroom in the window seat, still in his pajamas, staring out into the trees and at the steadily approaching clouds. He looked over to Alfred, who stood in the doorway. 

 

Alfred smiled at him. “Hey, Lud,” he said, leaning his hip against the doorway. “You feelin’ alright?” 

Ludwig was quiet for a few moments, staring at him. He didn’t lie often. Mostly because he didn’t know how to very well, or why he would. But this time, for the sake of both himself and Alfred, he put on a faint smile and nodded. “I’m alright,” he murmured.

“If ya say so. Ya just look a little sad.”

“I’m not. I’m just...tired.” That’s what Alfred told him, when he was sad. When Ludwig saw it in the information hub, that Alfred was sad or upset. All Alfred ever said when Ludwig asked was that. Just tired.

“Okay. Well, I’m gonna go on to work! Ivan’s pickin’ me up this time, so you can take the truck if ya wanna go somewhere. Sleep some more if ya need it, the house is already clean. If ya don’t feel any better when ya wake up, just call me and I’ll try to get home as fast as I can. And you know when I’m on lunch, so if ya want, you can head over.”

Ludwig nodded. “I will. Goodbye, Al. Have a good day at work.”

“See ya, Lud!” Alfred gave him a wave then trotted off down the stairs and out the door.

 

Ludwig turned his eyes back out the window to watch the car fade from view. Once it did, he stood and went to shower. The water was warm, and it ran all over his body, but he still felt so cold. 

 

He finished washing up and got out, avoiding himself in the mirror as he got dressed. He pulled on a black turtleneck, then matching trousers, plain black socks, and a pair of heavy black boots.

Then he went downstairs, passing through the kitchen. He wasn’t feeling hungry. Hell, he’d never felt hungry. As much as he supposedly loved to cook, he never was  _ hungry _ . 

 

After a long day at work, Alfred always made a beeline for the kitchen and rummaged through and ate what he could until he’d had his fill. Ludwig never felt that. He ate at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Maybe a snack here or there if he was feeling bored, or if he was out and about. 

 

Sure, he liked the taste of food when he ate it, but he never had an ache or a rumble in his stomach.  

 

So Ludwig bypassed the kitchen and went out to the truck, having grabbed the keys on his way out. 

 

He had to go away for a bit. Just a few hours, just to be away. Here, where he lived with Alfred, was pretty well removed to begin with. But everything felt like it was too close right now. Everything felt suffocating. 

 

That tree in the yard, Ludwig’s favorite, with the tire swing that he and Alfred had taken turns on many times. It felt like a looming figure, threatening to break him apart and pick away at what identity he did have. 

 

The stalks of corn all around him on the road as he drove. They lurched forward in the wind, making to capture him from inside and steal what soul he had created. 

 

The cows in the fields that he passed. They watched him and mocked him, speaking of how strange and sickly he was, how far removed from human reality. Ha. A cow knew how far away from the human identity he was. 

 

Or maybe they were just grazing, enjoying their day and paying him absolutely no mind. 

 

Ludwig couldn’t decide which one was more upsetting. 

 

Not even the cows wondered about him. 

 

Ludwig drove, with only one place in mind. A place he had come to call one of the greatest comforts of all. And what was more is that he had made it his own comfort. Timo hadn’t said ‘Ludwig, you always loved it here’ or ‘Ludwig, you hate the beach and you can’t swim’. When they had first gone to the water, all Timo had said was ‘You sure you don’t wanna go to the theatre instead? I hear they’re playin’ some movie about somethin’ you like.’ 

 

Ludwig had wanted to stay, and since then the sea had become as much of a blanket as the land around him had, as looking up at the sky beside Alfred on their picnics had. Oh, Alfred. 

 

Even thinking of Alfred made his chest tighten with unpleasant sensations. They shared their moments, moments that were hard for him to decipher. Sometimes, somehow, there was a brush of the hand here or there that lasted more than a few seconds. Sometimes, when Ludwig would stare at Alfred, Alfred would stare right back at him. Sometimes, when they sat together on the porch to watch the rain, the space between them shrunk and shrunk until their shoulders bumped seemingly out of nowhere. 

 

And that  _ word _ . That word that had appeared when Alfred first brought him those flowers. Lover. 

 

Ludwig pushed it out of his mind for now. 

 

Before the hour was up, the ocean came into view. Before, the clouds had only been an inkling on the horizon. Now, as Ludwig climbed out of the truck and closed his eyes to take it in, they towered above him. They were blankets, too. The air was already cooling, picking up from a light breeze to a firm wind that tousled his hair from its place. 

 

Ludwig opened his eyes and didn’t waste much time, going around the main path down to the sand to a place he had discovered by himself on one of the first trips he’d made here by himself. Not necessarily the most easily accessible but enjoyable. A place where he could be alone, but not lonely. Usually. Right now, he was both. 

 

That was alright, wasn’t it? To feel bad sometimes. It was okay to feel bad. 

 

That didn’t mean he  _ wanted  _ to feel bad. 

 

Ludwig heard thunder and his calm steps hastened, until simple steps turned to desperate, long, running strides. Up the grassy hill, climbing higher and higher then going straight back down. 

 

The thunder grew louder  as Ludwig’s feet hit rock. This was where he paused, panting softly and staring out at the thrashing waves. They clashed up against the sides of the jagged rocks he stood upon, spraying him lightly with their salty water. He craned his head back, as lightning cracked through the sky and lit everything up. 

 

The tempest. 

 

Ludwig stood there, upon that rock, as each new wave crested against it. He breathed through his emotions, entertaining no special thought of concept. For now, he was only there to stand and to take it in. 

 

The first few drops of water that fell just barely missed him. He nearly mistook it for the ocean’s water. Instead, moments later, rain fell. It came in sheets, relentless and hard, soaking him instantly. 

 

He ran his hands through his hair and just stood there, letting it cover him head to toe. His clothes grew heavy, but he didn’t care. He had showered only a bit ago yet he felt cleaner now that he had then. 

 

_ Nature is a cleanser.  _

 

He recalled Alfred saying it, that one Sunday night. How right he was. 

 

Time passed him by, and Ludwig only stood there. He didn’t know how long it was that he just stood there under the rain and by the water, haunted in the best ways by the mix of salty ocean water, rain from above, and rain-soaked Earth just out of touch. 

 

It was all a cacophony of the things he used to define himself. The things he  _ tried  _ to use. He didn’t know how to make it a part of himself. Standing here in its elements seemed like a good idea. It made him feel less like he was numb. 

 

However long it was, it was long enough that when he opened his eyes, the moon and the stars greeted him, and it had stopped raining. The ocean below had become less of a raging dragon and more of a curious fox, ebbing back and forth with its attention. 

 

The oasis. 

 

A voice from behind, feverish and breathless. “Ludwig!” 

 

Ludwig started just slightly, turning to see Alfred scrambling down the hill. 

 

“Jesus  _ Christ _ , Lud-- where’ve ya  _ been _ ? You’ve been gone all fuckin’ day!” Alfred breathed as he clambered over, eyes wide as he grabbed Ludwig’s shoulders. “Ya didn’t answer my calls or my texts. I-I...thought somethin’ happened to ya. You’re soaking  _ wet _ , Ludwig! What the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t-You can’t just  _ leave _ like that! You coulda left a note, or shot me a text, or even Timo, just  _ anything _ . Why are you wet? Did you fall in? Ludwig, don’t-don’t  _ ever _ fuckin’ do this to me again.” He took a moment to breathe, not letting go of him as he lowered his head. 

 

Ludwig just stared at him, his chest tightening and warmth tingling in his stomach. All he could do was stare. 

 

Alfred lifted his head to look at him. “Why are you out here?” He asked, his voice low. “How long have ya been here? Why didn’t you...you’re cold, Lud. You’re so fuckin’ freezing. Take my jacket.” He shucked it off quickly and draped it over Ludwig’s shoulders. “Why didn’t you call me?” 

Ludwig glanced down  at his boots then back up at Alfred and shrugged. “I...didn’t think I should bother you with it,” he muttered.

“With what?”

“Me. Everyone’s behavior...my own existence, my place in this world, my sense of self. It’s all so...algebraic. I don’t know anything about myself but I know anyone’s blood pressure just by looking at them. Isn’t that strange? Isn’t that...aren’t I out of place here?”

“Ludwig, what’re you talking about? Out of place where?”

“Here! In this town. In this country. On this planet. I don’t  _ belong _ here. I don’t  _ know _ who I  _ am _ .”

A strange look crossed Alfred’s face, as he stared at Ludwig. His hands had fallen by now after putting the jacket on him. But they returned to motion, grabbing onto Ludwig’s.

“Yes, you do. You do belong here, Ludwig. You belong here, with  _ me _ ,” he murmured slowly. “And no one fuckin’ knows who they are. That’s why we live! To try things out! To be what we  _ want _ . If you wanna believe in destiny or in karma or whatever the fuck, then so be it. But you gotta know...you are who you say you are. You’re  _ Ludwig _ .”

 

Ludwig’s eye widened, and he looked down at their hands as Alfred spoke.  _ You belong here, with  _ me. He felt the warmth in his fingertips grow to pulse through his hands. In turn, his fingers squeezed around Alfred’s hand a bit tighter. 

 

“I don’t know where to start,” he whispered, hopelessly. “I don’t remember my own childhood, much less do I know how to-” 

“Start here. Right here,” Alfred whispered back, stepping in closer. “Start with me.”

 

Ludwig blinked and let his eyes lower from Alfred’s eyes to his lips instead. He had hoped to start a routine with Alfred and maybe that routine would be more than a weekly picnic. Maybe it could be the same bed that they woke up in when the morning came. Maybe it could be their fingers linked together as they walked through the market. Maybe it could be soft whispers when ‘I’m just tired’ meant more than needing a nap. Maybe it could be...lovers. 

 

Alfred’s breath mingled with his and before he knew it, their lips shared no distance. The taste of Alfred’s mouth was sweet and the warmth of it spread throughout the rest of Ludwig’s body. It traveled through his arms as they wrapped around Alfred’s shoulders and blanketed into every crevice and crack Ludwig had. 

 

Ludwig was content, then, to have confidence that if no one else would… Alfred would be there, to hold his hand, and help him find out just what he could be. 

 


End file.
